It’s the digital age…be careful of what you do and how you act…it could end up on FaceBook or You Tube. This is a true story…about Tagging A Fag….

It all started relatively quite innocent.

A well known scene photographer uploaded a tear sheet of his work onto FaceBook of which I appeared next to international sex performer Dru Bruin and international DJ Hi Fi Sean. It was taken at Hard On, London’s number one fetish club. In the same tear sheet was a couple of guys I knew who I thought looked quite good in their gear and tagged them too (see pic).

One of those guys removed his tag and contacted me to let me know that his mother is on Face Book.  He said he didn’t want her to see him wearing what he was. Seeing that he had already given permission for the photographer to take it and it would be seen by thousands of others, it did not occur to me that he may not want certain people to see it. His request was polite, and I guided him on how to stop people tagging him in any photo. That was it.

A little later I received another message, this time from the second person I tagged. He was not so polite. in fact he was up front hostile. Below is an excerpt from his message:

“Hi Brent

Could you bear in mind that when the photo was taken in HardOn, it was taken with the knowledge that it was for xxxx xxxx website, Hardon, QX and a few other, appropriate sites? It was NOT taken with the view that it would be published so that my friends and family could see it.  QX is one thing,  Facebook is another.

Therefore, would you mind not taking it upon yourself to tag me in photos that, if you used a little bit of thought, you would realise would be seen by a number of people, both family and professional, whom I would prefer not to see such photos.

We do not all live in your world; therefore, have a little consideration!!!

I have already had a number of messages, and receiving more as I type, from work colleagues who expressed ‘surprise’ to say the least.

You have over-stepped the mark, big time!!!”

WE NEED SOME PERSPECTIVE HERE. The only time I have ever seen this person is at Hard On. He may thought that was the agreement he had when the photo was taken, but I did not take the photo or upload it.  All I did was tag a photo that was already uploaded. It is true, ‘not everyone lives in my world’…but there are several things I would never allow…one is a photo to be published in an national magazine that I could not show to my mother and be ashamed of, and second…I would not have people around me that did not accept me for who I am, and if I had to work with them than I am protected by law by such discrimination.

My response was: “, if u do not want to be tagged in photos than set that restriction in ur settings. Or even better, don’t allow photos to be taken that are intended for the public domain. How am I to know what u consider to be an appropriate site or not? Remember, all i did was tag a photo of someone i knew ( and a nice photo too may I add). You allowed the photo to be taken in the first place. This is the digital age, The only way to control the distribution of ur image is not to allow it in the first place as u never know where it will end up…. If u do not know how to set ur setting to restrict tagging let me know and I will guide u through it”

Sensible advice I thought, but the reply was not so considerate…”That is utter nonsense. And it pisses me off that you seem to think you have no responsibility to THINK.  To restrict viewings of tagging I would have to go through each friend and decide whether or not they should see tags. Which is ridiculous! I want people to see tagged photos, tagged by responsible  ‘friends’. I allowed the photo to be taken because I understood it would be used in public but appropriate sites. FACEBOOK IS NOT APPROPRIATE!  And if you used your fucking head you would see that.  I have plenty of photos that I do not publish because I know they would cause distress. I know how set my tagging thanks!

Now why don’t you stop being such an arrogant prick and stop hiding behind the ‘digital age’ and ‘public domain’ shit and spare a thought for those who don’t live in your enclosed little gay world. Keep your tagging to yourself!”

His reply said several things…he was ashamed of who he was. He had such a negative view of the ‘gay world’ which he belonged…and  he would rather defend the people who judged him than treat with respect a person who accepts him for who he is. I don’t judge him for being gay…or being into to fetish. This is part of who he is. God, I have seen him I getting fucked in the middle of the dance floor where anyone with a camera phone could of had it up on Rocket Tube in a hour…if they wanted…permission or no permission.

This type of self loathing took me by surprise. Yes, I am lucky that people accept me for who I am in my environment, and if they didn’t…they would not be in my life. When the issue of being gay bought me to the crossroads of my parents accepting it, or I would never see them again…it taught me if you can’t be true to yourself, then how can you be true to others…and that this  guys lying (or lack of truthfulness) to friends and  colleagues it seems was catching up with him. This is the DIGITAL AGE, whether we liked it or not…and not everyone’s definitions of  ‘appropriate’  is the same.

WHAT WOULD BE INAPPROPRIATE IS if I went onto his Gaydar or Recon profile, downloaded his private pics, looked through his friends and colleagues on FaceBook and then posted them the images that he used to ‘attract sex’ . If I was even half the person he was accusing me of, this type of action would have been easy and simple to do…and then perhaps I may have deserved the over reaction.

All I did was tag him in a sexy photo that he allowed to be taken.

Now you would think that this type of experience would make him be more discrete and think about it next time someone aims a camera at him…but next month there he was again, near naked, in a national gay magazine and uploaded onto FaceBook. Needless to say I did not tag him again, I removed and blocked him…as life is too short to have people around me who think it is OK to message another person in the way he did. He could have taken a leaf out of his friends book by being polite…but I guess the way he expressed himself is a reflection of how he feels about himself.

The positive thing out of this was www.mygayface.com; a social network I created aimed at gays and their ‘gay family’ (the people they choose in life who accept them for who they are). I did not think a gay social network was necessary, but this issue of fag tagging certainly shone some light on me. I admit, yes, my world is full of people who accept me…if they didn’t they wouldn’t be part of my world. This may be a luxury……but since I rarely run up against people whose life’s are living lies, my action of fag tagging was not one of malice but innocent ignorance. May I also repeat, I have never seen this guy outside a non-fetish environment…so tagging him in a leather jockstrap required little consideration…for me, this was who he is.

MyGayFace.com is a website that allows YOU to be YOU. So, I have him to thank for that; as in every moment of darkness there is a light. But I still do not need people like that in my life…and he will never be again, not while he attacks those who accept him in favour of those who don’t.

Now I know we all have photos we wouldn’t want our parents, certain  friends and colleagues to see. They are our private photos. However, in this inescapable digital age here is a few pointers…1. don’t allow a photo you can’t show to your mum to be published in a national gay magazine that thousand see not only across the UK but also the world via on-line. 2. It’s the digital age…any photo take for whatever reason can end up on the internet somewhere, so you need to balance the risk with the pic being taken. If it is a ‘private’ pic, make sure it’s on your camera… 3. Life is short. Only include those who accept and nurture you…and if they have to be in your life for work or social reasons, the law is on your side in respect to hate crime and discrimination. 4. FaceBook is an international website, be careful who you add as friend. You don’t know who is watching. 5. Join www.mygayface.com. Why……?

“until the day arrives when you can kiss your same-sex partner in public without anyone blinking an eye lid is the day a website like MyGayFace.com will not be needed..go outside in a crowded place and give it a go…we will be here for you”

In this modern age cyber-socialising is the norm…just remember, if it’s ‘out there’ it could end up ‘here’.